A few nights ago I was talking with my oldest and closest friend. We were talking about Christmas and how people spend so much money on gifts and a lot of people really don't consider the true meaning of Christmas or whatever other winter time holiday they may celebrate. She told me something about her son's gifts that really struck a chord with me and I can't seem to stop thinking about it. The comment went something like this: "We got Kaden a fish from Santa. I know of all the money we've spent this Christmas, that four dollar fish is going to be the only thing that matters."
Something to consider this holiday season: What are the "four dollar fish" in your life? What are the things that truly matter most? When all the glitter and tinsel and paper and bows are long forgotten; when the shiny, expensive toys and designer shoes and handbags are out of style or faded and worn and shoved in the back of a closet to be forgotten - what are the things that get you through? What is it that truly makes you happy each day? What makes it worth dragging yourself away from the comfort of your warm, soft bed each morning?
My four dollar fish are:
1. My family - Without them I truly would have never made it this far.
2. My friends - I've got some of the best on earth and wouldn't trade them for anything!
3. Laughter - Do any of you have a private joke with a close friend that will always get you to laugh uncontrollably? Laugh until it hurts. It's good for your soul.
I challenge each of you to think about your four dollar fish this holiday season. I hope that we can all look passed the fluff and stress of the holidays and find true Joy that lasts all year.
Much love,
B.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
What I am. What I am not.
I've come to a lot of realizations about myself lately. I realize that I am the following things:
* I am easily caught up by things that I can't do anything about. I get nearly obsessive over the way that people handle situations and things that they say. I've learned that people are generally selfish and self-serving. It may sound cynical, but I'm learning that it does very little good to try to "be there" for people because they rarely (if ever) return the favor. People in general do not consider anyone but themselves, their own feelings and their own agenda. I am learning that I shouldn't expect people to react to situations and in situations in the same manner in which I would and I probably shouldn't allow myself to get so upset when people don't respond with character and integrity.
Now, I'm not saying I always react as I should. But, I try very hard to treat people with respect, to honor their wishes, and to respect their boundaries. I try to consider how I would hope that someone would handle a situation if the tables were turned. I don't understand why people don't consider the ramifications of their actions before they act or speak. We never know who may hear us, who may see us, and what they are facing when they see us.
* I am wildly insecure. I realize this may be a shocking revelation to many because I've been told so many times how confident and strong I am. I suppose there are things in which I am secure and confident but very many more in which I am not. I am very unsettled about relationships. I look for constant reassurance in my relationships. I need continual affirmation that the person is with me because they truly want to be. I need to hear that they find me attractive, or smart, or that my hair looks good, or my butt looks good, or whatever. I don't know why I am this way. I've always gotten praise for my brain and my academic achievements - but I've always SUCKED at relationships and I've always been uncomfortable with my looks. Over the last year and a half, I have gained *some* confidence, but I still find myself seeking those compliments and feeling that insecurity. Perhaps with time this is something that will change.
* I am not okay with -ists. People who think they are better, smarter, more highly evolved, more loved by our Creator, or more deserving of anything because of their skin pigmentation, their cultural heritage, their hair texture, their family structure or anything else. We all aren't "equal" in our abilities but we should all have the same opportunity to pursue whatever it is we choose in life. No one should be obligated to make sure we all succeed, but we should be allowed to try. Even if we fail, the experience lasts a lifetime.
* I am not ok with people who put on an air of Super Christianity when they are (and most people KNOW they are) the most vile, stubborn, back-biting, back-stabbing, black-hearted people on the planet. Don't claim Christ if you're going to treat people like trash. Jesus loved people. He died for the people he loved. If Jesus treated people the way most "Christians" treated people, we would all be doomed for eternity. God knows we are all sinners. God knows we all screw up. Is it more of a sin to be yourself or to hide your true nature behind a veil of hypocrisy? God knows the very number of hairs on your head and yet you think He doesn't know you gossip about your neighbor or so-called best friend just because you hit the church pew 3 times a week? You think He doesn't know you look at porn behind your spouse's back because you don't have any tattoos or piercings? Cloaking your sin with the attitude of the Pharisees doesn't make it any less sinful. We need to be real. We need to understand that love covers a multitude of sin and there are none righteous, no, not one.
Anyway, I've been working on this for about 3 hours now, off and on, and I'm now bored with it. :) You may have been bored from the jump. But it's cathartic for me. So shup. I may come back and finish it later. Probably not.
Much love,
B
* I am easily caught up by things that I can't do anything about. I get nearly obsessive over the way that people handle situations and things that they say. I've learned that people are generally selfish and self-serving. It may sound cynical, but I'm learning that it does very little good to try to "be there" for people because they rarely (if ever) return the favor. People in general do not consider anyone but themselves, their own feelings and their own agenda. I am learning that I shouldn't expect people to react to situations and in situations in the same manner in which I would and I probably shouldn't allow myself to get so upset when people don't respond with character and integrity.
Now, I'm not saying I always react as I should. But, I try very hard to treat people with respect, to honor their wishes, and to respect their boundaries. I try to consider how I would hope that someone would handle a situation if the tables were turned. I don't understand why people don't consider the ramifications of their actions before they act or speak. We never know who may hear us, who may see us, and what they are facing when they see us.
* I am wildly insecure. I realize this may be a shocking revelation to many because I've been told so many times how confident and strong I am. I suppose there are things in which I am secure and confident but very many more in which I am not. I am very unsettled about relationships. I look for constant reassurance in my relationships. I need continual affirmation that the person is with me because they truly want to be. I need to hear that they find me attractive, or smart, or that my hair looks good, or my butt looks good, or whatever. I don't know why I am this way. I've always gotten praise for my brain and my academic achievements - but I've always SUCKED at relationships and I've always been uncomfortable with my looks. Over the last year and a half, I have gained *some* confidence, but I still find myself seeking those compliments and feeling that insecurity. Perhaps with time this is something that will change.
* I am not okay with -ists. People who think they are better, smarter, more highly evolved, more loved by our Creator, or more deserving of anything because of their skin pigmentation, their cultural heritage, their hair texture, their family structure or anything else. We all aren't "equal" in our abilities but we should all have the same opportunity to pursue whatever it is we choose in life. No one should be obligated to make sure we all succeed, but we should be allowed to try. Even if we fail, the experience lasts a lifetime.
* I am not ok with people who put on an air of Super Christianity when they are (and most people KNOW they are) the most vile, stubborn, back-biting, back-stabbing, black-hearted people on the planet. Don't claim Christ if you're going to treat people like trash. Jesus loved people. He died for the people he loved. If Jesus treated people the way most "Christians" treated people, we would all be doomed for eternity. God knows we are all sinners. God knows we all screw up. Is it more of a sin to be yourself or to hide your true nature behind a veil of hypocrisy? God knows the very number of hairs on your head and yet you think He doesn't know you gossip about your neighbor or so-called best friend just because you hit the church pew 3 times a week? You think He doesn't know you look at porn behind your spouse's back because you don't have any tattoos or piercings? Cloaking your sin with the attitude of the Pharisees doesn't make it any less sinful. We need to be real. We need to understand that love covers a multitude of sin and there are none righteous, no, not one.
Anyway, I've been working on this for about 3 hours now, off and on, and I'm now bored with it. :) You may have been bored from the jump. But it's cathartic for me. So shup. I may come back and finish it later. Probably not.
Much love,
B
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
What ever happened to character?
So I'm continually amazed at the sheer audacity of people. What makes people believe they are so far above everyone else that they can make promises they never intend to keep, say and do things that are beyond the realm of accepted behavior and expect to gain any respect from their children, colleagues, parents, neighbors, etc.?
I've made decisions that I knew my family, church members, friends, etc. were not going to be thrilled about, but those decisions did not affect them in any manner whatsoever. My decision to be moderately tattooed does not effect you or my parents, or my church in the slightest. That is an example of a personal choice. So please don't get it twisted. I am 100% for self-expression and living one's life in the manner that makes one happy and 100% NOT in favor of living inside someone else's box of "normal" or "expected" behavior.
I am talking about people who live their lives with no regard for others. People who think their time is the only time that matters. People who say one thing and do another. People who make promises with no intent to ever deliver. People who are simply too scared to speak the truth because it's easier for them to dance around it than grow a set and do what needs to be done. It annoys me to no end. I have no patience for it. Don't talk smack if you know good and well you aren't going to take the bull by the horns and follow through. Everyone sees through it anyway.
I always thought it was just a "no brainer" to have a little integrity and be a person of your word. Apparently, this - like many other things I thought growing up (such as all men were trustworthy because my father was...) is just a naive notion on my part. It has become a mission in my life to weed out those who lack integrity and a little character and only surround myself with those who aspire to live in a manner that is respectful to those around them. I will no longer be patient with those who believe their time is more important than mine. I will no longer believe what people say until they have proven themselves to me. I hate to have to be cynical but I would much rather have no expectations of you and be surprised than to be consistently disappointed.
It seems a bit selfish of me to do this, but I'm learning that being a giver means being taken advantage of in so many situations. I'm not a doormat and I will not allow myself to be treated as such.
Truly,
B
I've made decisions that I knew my family, church members, friends, etc. were not going to be thrilled about, but those decisions did not affect them in any manner whatsoever. My decision to be moderately tattooed does not effect you or my parents, or my church in the slightest. That is an example of a personal choice. So please don't get it twisted. I am 100% for self-expression and living one's life in the manner that makes one happy and 100% NOT in favor of living inside someone else's box of "normal" or "expected" behavior.
I am talking about people who live their lives with no regard for others. People who think their time is the only time that matters. People who say one thing and do another. People who make promises with no intent to ever deliver. People who are simply too scared to speak the truth because it's easier for them to dance around it than grow a set and do what needs to be done. It annoys me to no end. I have no patience for it. Don't talk smack if you know good and well you aren't going to take the bull by the horns and follow through. Everyone sees through it anyway.
I always thought it was just a "no brainer" to have a little integrity and be a person of your word. Apparently, this - like many other things I thought growing up (such as all men were trustworthy because my father was...) is just a naive notion on my part. It has become a mission in my life to weed out those who lack integrity and a little character and only surround myself with those who aspire to live in a manner that is respectful to those around them. I will no longer be patient with those who believe their time is more important than mine. I will no longer believe what people say until they have proven themselves to me. I hate to have to be cynical but I would much rather have no expectations of you and be surprised than to be consistently disappointed.
It seems a bit selfish of me to do this, but I'm learning that being a giver means being taken advantage of in so many situations. I'm not a doormat and I will not allow myself to be treated as such.
Truly,
B
Saturday, April 10, 2010
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