Release

I used to write so much more often than I do now. It bothers me sometimes that I don't take time to sit and reflect like I once did. I have realized as of late that I usually write when I'm upset... it's a way to release the negativity. A way for me to sort out my feelings and figure out what is really going on inside my head and heart. I haven't felt the need to do that recently because I'm genuinely happy. I'm genuinely settled in who I am, where I belong, and what I want in life. That is probably the most amazing feeling I've ever known.

In the last few years I've put into practice things I've always known but was afraid to voice for fear of alienating myself or raising too many eyebrows. I've learned that negativity and bitterness are truly poison and I am far better off removing it from my life wherever it may be. I've learned that real relationships prosper in the light of honesty and no one, no matter how hard they may try, can sever a bond that is real. I've learned the true ugliness that sits behind jealous eyes. I've learned to see a manipulator from a mile away. I've learned that sometimes even though I may know something and may want someone else to realize it too - I have to sit back and be patient and allow them to learn it in their own time. Lessons learned on our own are the lessons that stick. I've also learned that if you're honest about who you are... you never have to worry about your "true colors" showing.

We are quickly approaching the anniversary of my mother's passing. As I reflect on the last year, it's hard to believe how much has changed. I never thought true happiness would come my way again. Jason has been a godsend. The life we have together is the life I truly always desired (even though sometimes I think I fought hard against ever finding it... self-sabotage was one of my strong suits for quite some time.) I never thought I would meet someone with whom I could literally share every secret and they would still accept me. Although our relationship is still quite young, it has been tested several times. Neither of us are perfect - and we both know this. However, it is our willingness to communicate and our "us against the world" attitude that makes me believe that nothing will ever come between us. I'm enjoying every second of our new life together and Mr. and Mrs. Everything from renovating our home to learning to live together and going from "my money" to "our money" to watching the excitement on his face over his hot rod is an adventure. Our honeymoon is in about a month and I'm SO excited for that experience. I love making memories with this man.

I love my family. I love my husband. And I love my life. That is all.