So, as anyone who follows this blog surely knows by now, 2011 has been a very challenging year for my family. I've encountered struggles I never imagined and have experienced both peace and heartache that far outreach anything I've ever known. Every single thing in my life has changed but I'm grateful to be able to say that not all the changes are bad.
Losing my mom has been horrific. I miss her so much. It still doesn't feel real. Sometimes I hear a song, or see a commercial or even a flower that reminds me of her. She was wonderful and funny and beautiful and a treasure to my heart. She loved her family more than anything and there's a void left by her death that no one and nothing will ever fill. She also left a legacy of which we are all very proud.
I've also had some wake up calls in other areas of my life. I've had yet another realization that not all people are honest. I don't know how long it's going to take me to learn this lesson. I feel naive and it makes me angry at myself for ever believing in people to begin with. I know (I hope) that someday I'll meet someone who's truly WORTHY to be trusted and that it happens before I get so jaded that I close completely off. I can tell that I'm so much more jaded than I was 2 years ago. I hate that. I want to be open to love but I also am sick to death of people taking advantage of that openness. There's a fine line and I'm not sure I've found it just yet. I know I'm capable of having a successful relationship. I have what it takes to love someone 100%... I just can't find that one that deserves everything I have to offer.
My job situation has also changed. While I didn't think I'd be at the hotel forever... I didn't anticipate the change happening quite the way it did. Now, for the first time in forever, I'm not getting a steady paycheck... but also for the first time in forever, I don't truly dread going to work. I'm enjoying helping Dad out with his company and I'm REALLY enjoying the creativity that is being afforded me by my new adventure with Dawn and her catering business. I am so excited for the future and what may come of it all. I'm also singing. I love this. I feel so much creativity and power in my life right now and I hope that it hangs around. I'm so excited for my first performance with the band in just a few weeks. Keep an eye out for news on that front. :)
Life has taken a complete 180 in every possible aspect. I've hurt. I've laughed. I've sung. I've cried. I've worked harder than I've ever worked. I've felt like I didn't have another step in me and yet I've continued on. I know Mom's watching. I hope I can do something to make her proud in 2011. I love you, Mommy!
