Legislating Morality?

The phrase "legislating morality" has become a bit of a catch phrase in the political realm. When we hear the phrase we generally think of the "Moral Majority" or "Right wingers" trying to make abortion illegal, or ban gay marriage, adoption, etc. "You just can't legislate morality." While I understand the statement and I don't believe that the (mostly religious) beliefs of the few can be used as legal weapons against the many - I've been thinking about legislating morality in a different sort of way. 

Let me explain. 

I saw the above photo on Facebook today and it really got me thinking. 

Aren't businesses in business to make money? Don't all wise business people watch their numbers? Many restaurants, retailers, etc. operate with mostly part time employees. Most companies consider somewhere between 34-40 hours weekly "full-time." Those "full-time" employees are eligible for whatever benefits packages the company has to offer. In restaurants and retail settings, this is generally reserved for management. Obamacare mandates that companies cover any employee who works at least 30 hours per week. That extends "full-time" benefits to many, many "part-time" employees. It's obvious that this directly affects the bottom line of these businesses, so it stands to reason that they will make the necessary staffing adjustments to keep their costs at a minimum. They will, most likely, cut those 30-34 hour per week employees to under 30 hours in order to avoid extending their health care package that was reserved for their full time staff. Otherwise, they are greatly increasing their expenditures and will have to raise prices to compensate for this. 

Now, Papa John's is being demonized because John Schnatter has a huge home and is assuredly very wealthy. We are asking folks to boycott his business because he is adjusting his staff to avoid a government mandated health care cost (that - regardless of how wealthy he is - will cost him a fortune.) Why are we questioning this man's morality, as if he hates his employees and mistreats them and is just out to get them because Obama was re-elected? From what I've read about John Schnatter - he is an honest man who started at zero and has built an empire. No one said he's done it alone. But why do folks demonize someone who has earned great success in their lives? Why is an attack on this gentleman's morality okay simply because he's passing on costs (the 10 to 14 cent increase he's stated may take place) and avoiding a huge increase in expenses (with no return on his investment?) He and his franchisees (shocker... not every location is owned by Mr. John... these are small business owners....) can employ forty 25 hour/week employees cheaper than they can employee thirty four 30 hour/week employees. It just seems like simply business math to me. 

Feel free to discuss in the comment section. I'd be interested to see others' take on this. Respectful debate is always appreciated. 

Christianity and the "Others."

Anyone who knows me knows that my life hasn't taken the path of the "normal" Baptist girl. Now that I'm in my thirties, I am finally comfortable enough in my own skin to own my thoughts and opinions and not allow someone to make me feel insecure or outcast because of them. I'm actually quite comfortable being an "other." Let me explain.

Firstly, I am not bashing my upbringing or those who still hold ultra conservative beliefs. So please, do not misunderstand. I am grateful for *most* of the experiences I had with the church as a child. I received Christ as my personal Savior at a young age and I am forever thankful for the opportunity to have a relationship with God personally. Without that assurance and the confidence in Him - my life would have been tragic. I met some amazing people - some I've been fortunate enough to remain friends with until present day. Real friendships blossom when people are honest about themselves and their thoughts - not when someone censors themselves in order to be accepted by another. I'm thankful for those in my life with whom I can be 100% honest and still be accepted. This is where my problem with "The Church" comes in.

Being a pastor's child my entire life has placed me in a unique situation. As a pastor's child, you are under constant scrutiny. Under a microscope. Expected to be more than the other kids. Better behaved. Better dressed. Be able to quote more scripture. Be able to sing. Be at every function. Never have a bad day. And certainly never question anything the church tells you to be true. This included everything from the standards about the Gospel message (to which I still cling dearly) to ludicrous rules about clothing, music, hair length, "courting" versus "dating" and much more. It then moved on to opinions being preached as fact. Things such as God created the races to be separate. He even went so far as to give us our own special sections of the planet and never intended for anyone to migrate outside that specific zone. (Except the whites, of course. They were supposed to come run the Indians out and keep America all to themselves as God-fearing, bible thumping, fundamental "Christians.") Gays were going straight to hell. Divorce was unforgivable. And basically - if you didn't agree with the fundamentalist crowd (which is hard since there are so many varying opinions among them) then you were just wrong.

I noticed the shift in the focus of the church when I was a young teen. I can't begin to expound upon the number of times I was told flatly that I wasn't holy enough because my family didn't hold to certain "convictions." (Don't get me started on the usage of the word.) The females in my family weren't forced to wear skirts or "culottes" at all times. We had a TV. My brother and I were allowed to go to the movies and ride in cars with people of the opposite sex. Dear God. How could my parents possibly be so irresponsible? Didn't they know that God was just waiting in the wings to stomp us out like bugs for being so unholy? Apparently not - but it didn't take long for someone to tell them.

As I grew, I knew that I needed my faith to be personal. I needed to be able to separate the opinions from reality. I needed to be able to keep my focus on God and not the faults of myself and those in the church. I realize that there are so many honestly good, kindhearted, gentle people who are very conservative and very active in churches all across the country. I remind myself of it daily when my heart breaks for what Christianity as a whole has become. I'm saddened by the hatred I see being poured out by "God's people" on all manner of humankind. Racism and bigotry and even pastors encouraging child abuse in the name of God hurts me to my very soul. I simply cannot understand how anyone who has experienced the love of God can preach such a putrid message that flies in the face of everything that the Gospel message teaches. God is LOVE. Jesus died for the sins of the WHOLE WORLD. How have we perverted that message so?

As I sit here writing this - I am more sure of my God than I've ever been. I've had time to reflect on what is truly important and why the "religious right" thinks so highly of themselves. I think I've finally arrived at a place where man's opinion of me matters little and God's opinion of me matters most. I don't care what version of the bible you read if you love people. I don't care if you're gay, straight, black, white, Asian, Hispanic or a mixture of all of the above. God loves you and Jesus died for you. And shame on Christians who have used the Bible to make you believe otherwise.

Release

I used to write so much more often than I do now. It bothers me sometimes that I don't take time to sit and reflect like I once did. I have realized as of late that I usually write when I'm upset... it's a way to release the negativity. A way for me to sort out my feelings and figure out what is really going on inside my head and heart. I haven't felt the need to do that recently because I'm genuinely happy. I'm genuinely settled in who I am, where I belong, and what I want in life. That is probably the most amazing feeling I've ever known.

In the last few years I've put into practice things I've always known but was afraid to voice for fear of alienating myself or raising too many eyebrows. I've learned that negativity and bitterness are truly poison and I am far better off removing it from my life wherever it may be. I've learned that real relationships prosper in the light of honesty and no one, no matter how hard they may try, can sever a bond that is real. I've learned the true ugliness that sits behind jealous eyes. I've learned to see a manipulator from a mile away. I've learned that sometimes even though I may know something and may want someone else to realize it too - I have to sit back and be patient and allow them to learn it in their own time. Lessons learned on our own are the lessons that stick. I've also learned that if you're honest about who you are... you never have to worry about your "true colors" showing.

We are quickly approaching the anniversary of my mother's passing. As I reflect on the last year, it's hard to believe how much has changed. I never thought true happiness would come my way again. Jason has been a godsend. The life we have together is the life I truly always desired (even though sometimes I think I fought hard against ever finding it... self-sabotage was one of my strong suits for quite some time.) I never thought I would meet someone with whom I could literally share every secret and they would still accept me. Although our relationship is still quite young, it has been tested several times. Neither of us are perfect - and we both know this. However, it is our willingness to communicate and our "us against the world" attitude that makes me believe that nothing will ever come between us. I'm enjoying every second of our new life together and Mr. and Mrs. Everything from renovating our home to learning to live together and going from "my money" to "our money" to watching the excitement on his face over his hot rod is an adventure. Our honeymoon is in about a month and I'm SO excited for that experience. I love making memories with this man.

I love my family. I love my husband. And I love my life. That is all.

Whirlwind

As 2011 comes to a close, I am taken aback by how much things can change in 12 short months. Life has taken so many unforeseen twists and turns this year and I am, at times, unable to fathom just how much has happened since January. As I look back, I see myself and my family broken beyond recognition and emerging as stronger people. As better sons and daughters and brothers and sisters. As more compassionate, more understanding, more able to depend on one another for strength and more able to provide stability and comfort to one another regardless of the storms that rage around us.

As we said goodbye to 2010, I was so certain that 2011 was going to be amazing. I had graduated college, was embracing my 30s and was ready to face whatever the new year had for me. I had no idea just how hellacious a storm lie just out of sight. Losing my mother in February shook my foundation in a way that nothing ever had. There was no preparing for that event or the days and weeks that followed. Watching her get sick, suffering so much and passing from this life to the next changed everything. My life quickly changed from being about what I wanted...my goals and dreams and aspirations..to being overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for my father in every way possible. What I needed no longer mattered...I just needed to make sure he was okay. My daily thoughts were consumed by worry. I couldn't lose him to depression or guilt or despair. We leaned on each other so much in those days. We still do. He has been and always will be such a powerful example. in my life. He never ceases to amaze me.

Spring came and eventually gave way to summer. I was spending more and more time at dad's business and trying to relieve as much stress from him as possible. Through that journey, I befriended Jason. He has become a godsend and I am grateful for him every single day. As the summer days got hotter, our relationship grew. We became the best of friends. We bring out the best in one another and are able to face adversity together, rather than allowing it to drive us apart. I am confident that the love that has sprung up between us will continue to grow as the years pass and I am so excited to watch our story develop.

As we face this Christmas - it is bittersweet for me. The first Christmas without my mom. The first Christmas with my future husband. The first Christmas enjoying the company of his family. Embracing new traditions and holding on tightly to old ones. Realizing that sometimes a positive thought is all that gets us through the hard days and being grateful for a Heavenly Father who provides peace and comfort when no one else can. I am grateful for the challenges of life. They are the reason we grow. The storms allow us to recognize and appreciate peace. The pain harvests gratitude and the ability and desire to help others overcome.

I have a sincere desire for those around me to prosper. Not only throughout this holiday season but every day. Tell those you love that you love them today. Tomorrow may be too late. Live a life you can be proud of and share your gifts with the world. You never know whose life you may touch.

Happy holidays. Let's face 2012 with renewed optimism. It's gonna be a great year.

Much love,

B.

Life is complicated.

I say all the time that all I truly want is "the simple life." I own a home (that I'm not living in at the moment because of the death of my mother earlier this year,) I have a college degree, and a wonderful family. I adore my family and firmly believe none of us would have made it this far without one another. I have been busier than I ever remember the last few months and some days I feel like I've got a great momentum going. Then other days I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.

Today is one of those days. I just can't sort things out in my head.

I'm officially no longer the Assistant Manager of the hotel. This is a relief and a little sad simultaneously. I've been there over three years. I've put in a lot of hours and met some amazing people there. I've also wanted to pull my hair out and very purposefully smack the ever-lovin' out of some people. I didn't leave on bad terms; I left to help my dad get his business back on track since it has grown so much and things got so out of sorts when Mom died. Things there are getting better. The office is functional and I like that it's finally organized. Now I've got bigger, dirtier, more complicated fish to fry. I'm nothing if not a good organizer...but I'm a woman in a very man-ish world there and some of the men don't take too kindly to my presence. It's causing a bit of a stir, but I don't care much. I want to see my father be successful and if my presence causes some 50 something year old man to be intimidated, then he probably isn't doing his job. I have made a difference. And I'll continue to do so.

I've also been working out like crazy. I've fallen in LOVE with Zumba and Hip Hop Hustle classes. I've lost a grand total of 24 lbs so far and I'm loving it. Working out and singing are the only two things keeping me sane right now.

I'm enjoying the company of a certain someone. We talk a lot about life and past successes and failures. We talk about how we envision the future and sometimes it seems as though we both long for the same things. We laugh a lot. We have fun with the smallest things, like making dinner or saying we're going to watch a movie and end up talking for 3 hours instead. We share secrets and dreams and know things about each other that no one else does. But it's scary. One step at a time, I suppose.

Life is just so complicated. Even the simple life is hard to track down sometimes.

Enjoy it as it comes, remember it as it goes, and never ever take it for granted. Life is beautiful and far too short, even on the bad days.

I wish

I wish people understood how hard it is to go on.
I wish they knew how badly it hurts.
I wish they could feel, just for a brief moment, how much I want to just curl up in the dark and hide from the world and just hurt in peace. But I can't. There are too many things to do. Too many people depending on me to make things happen. Too much work. Too many papers. Too many people. Too much. Too much to handle.
I wouldn't wish the hurt on my worst enemies, but I wish people knew. I wish they knew when I was laughing and trying my best to stay busy and productive, that I'm still hurting so much that I don't think I can go on. I wish the holy knew how their actions have affected my family. And how much I want to hate them for it. My heart won't let me hate them, but God how I wish I could. Instead I feel sorry for them because they're missing out on so much by putting on a show. People can say what they want about me or my family. But they can never say we're fake. We are who we are and we love people. Even the ones who hurt us. My parents have always loved to a fault. They've always helped people when they couldn't even make do for themselves. Those same people will have to live with the knowledge that they've scarred a wonderful man and if my mom was still alive, she'd be pissed. The realization that people are hateful and hurtful and spiteful and hypocritical is so painful. On top of the suffering of losing Mom it is overwhelming at times. We will move on. We will find a way to grieve and grow and will continue to love each other in spite of our flaws.
I've never claimed to be perfect. Or anything close to it. My heart yearns to be better. To love people in spite of, or BECAUSE of our differences. To overlook faults and idiosyncrasies and enjoy the beauty of life. To be in love like my parents loved. To share life with those around me who deserve my best. To go on an adventure. To embrace my quirks and love myself in spite of myself. To honor my mother's memory a little every day.

The Last Few Weeks...

So, as anyone who follows this blog surely knows by now, 2011 has been a very challenging year for my family. I've encountered struggles I never imagined and have experienced both peace and heartache that far outreach anything I've ever known. Every single thing in my life has changed but I'm grateful to be able to say that not all the changes are bad.

Losing my mom has been horrific. I miss her so much. It still doesn't feel real. Sometimes I hear a song, or see a commercial or even a flower that reminds me of her. She was wonderful and funny and beautiful and a treasure to my heart. She loved her family more than anything and there's a void left by her death that no one and nothing will ever fill. She also left a legacy of which we are all very proud.

I've also had some wake up calls in other areas of my life. I've had yet another realization that not all people are honest. I don't know how long it's going to take me to learn this lesson. I feel naive and it makes me angry at myself for ever believing in people to begin with. I know (I hope) that someday I'll meet someone who's truly WORTHY to be trusted and that it happens before I get so jaded that I close completely off. I can tell that I'm so much more jaded than I was 2 years ago. I hate that. I want to be open to love but I also am sick to death of people taking advantage of that openness. There's a fine line and I'm not sure I've found it just yet. I know I'm capable of having a successful relationship. I have what it takes to love someone 100%... I just can't find that one that deserves everything I have to offer.

My job situation has also changed. While I didn't think I'd be at the hotel forever... I didn't anticipate the change happening quite the way it did. Now, for the first time in forever, I'm not getting a steady paycheck... but also for the first time in forever, I don't truly dread going to work. I'm enjoying helping Dad out with his company and I'm REALLY enjoying the creativity that is being afforded me by my new adventure with Dawn and her catering business. I am so excited for the future and what may come of it all. I'm also singing. I love this. I feel so much creativity and power in my life right now and I hope that it hangs around. I'm so excited for my first performance with the band in just a few weeks. Keep an eye out for news on that front. :)

Life has taken a complete 180 in every possible aspect. I've hurt. I've laughed. I've sung. I've cried. I've worked harder than I've ever worked. I've felt like I didn't have another step in me and yet I've continued on. I know Mom's watching. I hope I can do something to make her proud in 2011. I love you, Mommy!