Every remembrance of you

Having my coffee in the stillness, watching the Christmas tree this morning reminds me of all I have to give thanks for this year. I am most grateful for my husband. He is truly a godsend. As we approach our first anniversary, I look back and see just how crazy of a year it has been.

Our wedding date was set on a whim. We got engaged on Christmas Eve and were married New Year's Eve at the stroke of midnight. It was a private ceremony - just the two of us and my father officiating. I wouldn't trade that night for the world.

We immediately started home renovations that ended up being much more extensive (and expensive) than we anticipated. All summer revolved around a gigantic roofing project. It allowed me to see exactly what a hard worker and smart guy I married. With little help from the ground crew (yours truly) he finished that massive undertaking just days before the big snow storm.

We've experienced some of the usual challenges of early marriage and some unique situations in the last year. Going from "my money" to "our money." Learning to navigate one another's moods and habits. Buying our first car together. Spending a total of almost three weeks with no power or water. Sick grandparents. Family drama in many forms. We've grown and challenged one another. I'm confident that we are better people together than we are apart. And I love him more with each passing day.

As the holiday season approaches, my prayer is that each soul finds its counterpart in this great big world. Each of you is worthy of love and is up to the challenge. As the saying goes, "No one said it would be easy. They just said it be worth it."

Be grateful. Love with everything you've got.

The Ultimate Show of Arrogance

I've been thinking about the way this country came to be and the reasons for leaving England to begin with. I've been thinking about how I was taught that America is "the melting pot" and how our beautiful country is so much more so because it is diverse.

If we truly believed that America was founded on a yearning for freedom - would we really fight so hard to make everyone just like us? Why do we judge those who dress differently or wear their hair differently? Or speak with a different dialect or accent? Why do we act as though our rights are the only ones that matter? Why do we get to choose who can enjoy real freedom and who gets the short end of the stick?

I'm tired of hearing about the "sanctity of marriage." I'm sick of straight people who have been married and divorced multiple times, those who have co-habitated and had children outside of wedlock, had affairs, been cheated on, been the "other wo/man," etc., etc., etc., tell my LGBT brothers and sisters that they aren't good enough to receive the legal benefits of marriage under federal law. It is 100% hypocritical and, in my opinion, it is the ultimate show of arrogance.

So, for anyone who, until now, was unsure of my stance on equality - let me be very clear. I am a born again Christian. I accepted Christ as my personal Savior many years ago. I have a personal walk with God that isn't defined by a Sunday School attendance chart. And I am an ally of the LGBT community. I am 100% in favor of equal rights under law. I cannot understand for the life of me how anyone can fail to see that this is not a religious issue. It is not a BIBLE issue. No one is ATTACKING your straight marriage. No one is expecting your pastor to perform gay marriages. (In fact, there is protection for churches who choose not to sanction same-sex marriages.) There is a HUGE difference in religious beliefs and legal protections. We are a nation of many races, creeds, cultures, and faiths. We simply cannot base the legal expectations and benefits for ALL citizens on the religious beliefs of SOME citizens. I don't understand why it is so confusing. I'm sure if someone tried to make Muslim laws the rule of law for all citizens, including Christians, there would be hell to pay. Why do Christians think they've got the market cornered and that they get to make all the rules?

If you are against gay marriage for whatever reasons - fine. Don't marry someone of the same sex. But, please try to take your religious views out of the argument. I love God. As do many gays and lesbians across this country. Dearly and truly. (Even if you think there is no such thing as a "gay Christian.") Please accept the fact that your religious views aren't the only ones present in our big, beautiful country. Your world view isn't the only one that matters. Try to see the world from another perspective. Spend some time with a gay person. Talk to them about their life. Their hopes. Their goals. Don't try to evangelize them. Don't tell them you love them but hate their sin.

Just love. Stop there. You may be surprised at what you see.

Legislating Morality?

The phrase "legislating morality" has become a bit of a catch phrase in the political realm. When we hear the phrase we generally think of the "Moral Majority" or "Right wingers" trying to make abortion illegal, or ban gay marriage, adoption, etc. "You just can't legislate morality." While I understand the statement and I don't believe that the (mostly religious) beliefs of the few can be used as legal weapons against the many - I've been thinking about legislating morality in a different sort of way. 

Let me explain. 

I saw the above photo on Facebook today and it really got me thinking. 

Aren't businesses in business to make money? Don't all wise business people watch their numbers? Many restaurants, retailers, etc. operate with mostly part time employees. Most companies consider somewhere between 34-40 hours weekly "full-time." Those "full-time" employees are eligible for whatever benefits packages the company has to offer. In restaurants and retail settings, this is generally reserved for management. Obamacare mandates that companies cover any employee who works at least 30 hours per week. That extends "full-time" benefits to many, many "part-time" employees. It's obvious that this directly affects the bottom line of these businesses, so it stands to reason that they will make the necessary staffing adjustments to keep their costs at a minimum. They will, most likely, cut those 30-34 hour per week employees to under 30 hours in order to avoid extending their health care package that was reserved for their full time staff. Otherwise, they are greatly increasing their expenditures and will have to raise prices to compensate for this. 

Now, Papa John's is being demonized because John Schnatter has a huge home and is assuredly very wealthy. We are asking folks to boycott his business because he is adjusting his staff to avoid a government mandated health care cost (that - regardless of how wealthy he is - will cost him a fortune.) Why are we questioning this man's morality, as if he hates his employees and mistreats them and is just out to get them because Obama was re-elected? From what I've read about John Schnatter - he is an honest man who started at zero and has built an empire. No one said he's done it alone. But why do folks demonize someone who has earned great success in their lives? Why is an attack on this gentleman's morality okay simply because he's passing on costs (the 10 to 14 cent increase he's stated may take place) and avoiding a huge increase in expenses (with no return on his investment?) He and his franchisees (shocker... not every location is owned by Mr. John... these are small business owners....) can employ forty 25 hour/week employees cheaper than they can employee thirty four 30 hour/week employees. It just seems like simply business math to me. 

Feel free to discuss in the comment section. I'd be interested to see others' take on this. Respectful debate is always appreciated. 

Christianity and the "Others."

Anyone who knows me knows that my life hasn't taken the path of the "normal" Baptist girl. Now that I'm in my thirties, I am finally comfortable enough in my own skin to own my thoughts and opinions and not allow someone to make me feel insecure or outcast because of them. I'm actually quite comfortable being an "other." Let me explain.

Firstly, I am not bashing my upbringing or those who still hold ultra conservative beliefs. So please, do not misunderstand. I am grateful for *most* of the experiences I had with the church as a child. I received Christ as my personal Savior at a young age and I am forever thankful for the opportunity to have a relationship with God personally. Without that assurance and the confidence in Him - my life would have been tragic. I met some amazing people - some I've been fortunate enough to remain friends with until present day. Real friendships blossom when people are honest about themselves and their thoughts - not when someone censors themselves in order to be accepted by another. I'm thankful for those in my life with whom I can be 100% honest and still be accepted. This is where my problem with "The Church" comes in.

Being a pastor's child my entire life has placed me in a unique situation. As a pastor's child, you are under constant scrutiny. Under a microscope. Expected to be more than the other kids. Better behaved. Better dressed. Be able to quote more scripture. Be able to sing. Be at every function. Never have a bad day. And certainly never question anything the church tells you to be true. This included everything from the standards about the Gospel message (to which I still cling dearly) to ludicrous rules about clothing, music, hair length, "courting" versus "dating" and much more. It then moved on to opinions being preached as fact. Things such as God created the races to be separate. He even went so far as to give us our own special sections of the planet and never intended for anyone to migrate outside that specific zone. (Except the whites, of course. They were supposed to come run the Indians out and keep America all to themselves as God-fearing, bible thumping, fundamental "Christians.") Gays were going straight to hell. Divorce was unforgivable. And basically - if you didn't agree with the fundamentalist crowd (which is hard since there are so many varying opinions among them) then you were just wrong.

I noticed the shift in the focus of the church when I was a young teen. I can't begin to expound upon the number of times I was told flatly that I wasn't holy enough because my family didn't hold to certain "convictions." (Don't get me started on the usage of the word.) The females in my family weren't forced to wear skirts or "culottes" at all times. We had a TV. My brother and I were allowed to go to the movies and ride in cars with people of the opposite sex. Dear God. How could my parents possibly be so irresponsible? Didn't they know that God was just waiting in the wings to stomp us out like bugs for being so unholy? Apparently not - but it didn't take long for someone to tell them.

As I grew, I knew that I needed my faith to be personal. I needed to be able to separate the opinions from reality. I needed to be able to keep my focus on God and not the faults of myself and those in the church. I realize that there are so many honestly good, kindhearted, gentle people who are very conservative and very active in churches all across the country. I remind myself of it daily when my heart breaks for what Christianity as a whole has become. I'm saddened by the hatred I see being poured out by "God's people" on all manner of humankind. Racism and bigotry and even pastors encouraging child abuse in the name of God hurts me to my very soul. I simply cannot understand how anyone who has experienced the love of God can preach such a putrid message that flies in the face of everything that the Gospel message teaches. God is LOVE. Jesus died for the sins of the WHOLE WORLD. How have we perverted that message so?

As I sit here writing this - I am more sure of my God than I've ever been. I've had time to reflect on what is truly important and why the "religious right" thinks so highly of themselves. I think I've finally arrived at a place where man's opinion of me matters little and God's opinion of me matters most. I don't care what version of the bible you read if you love people. I don't care if you're gay, straight, black, white, Asian, Hispanic or a mixture of all of the above. God loves you and Jesus died for you. And shame on Christians who have used the Bible to make you believe otherwise.

Release

I used to write so much more often than I do now. It bothers me sometimes that I don't take time to sit and reflect like I once did. I have realized as of late that I usually write when I'm upset... it's a way to release the negativity. A way for me to sort out my feelings and figure out what is really going on inside my head and heart. I haven't felt the need to do that recently because I'm genuinely happy. I'm genuinely settled in who I am, where I belong, and what I want in life. That is probably the most amazing feeling I've ever known.

In the last few years I've put into practice things I've always known but was afraid to voice for fear of alienating myself or raising too many eyebrows. I've learned that negativity and bitterness are truly poison and I am far better off removing it from my life wherever it may be. I've learned that real relationships prosper in the light of honesty and no one, no matter how hard they may try, can sever a bond that is real. I've learned the true ugliness that sits behind jealous eyes. I've learned to see a manipulator from a mile away. I've learned that sometimes even though I may know something and may want someone else to realize it too - I have to sit back and be patient and allow them to learn it in their own time. Lessons learned on our own are the lessons that stick. I've also learned that if you're honest about who you are... you never have to worry about your "true colors" showing.

We are quickly approaching the anniversary of my mother's passing. As I reflect on the last year, it's hard to believe how much has changed. I never thought true happiness would come my way again. Jason has been a godsend. The life we have together is the life I truly always desired (even though sometimes I think I fought hard against ever finding it... self-sabotage was one of my strong suits for quite some time.) I never thought I would meet someone with whom I could literally share every secret and they would still accept me. Although our relationship is still quite young, it has been tested several times. Neither of us are perfect - and we both know this. However, it is our willingness to communicate and our "us against the world" attitude that makes me believe that nothing will ever come between us. I'm enjoying every second of our new life together and Mr. and Mrs. Everything from renovating our home to learning to live together and going from "my money" to "our money" to watching the excitement on his face over his hot rod is an adventure. Our honeymoon is in about a month and I'm SO excited for that experience. I love making memories with this man.

I love my family. I love my husband. And I love my life. That is all.

Whirlwind

As 2011 comes to a close, I am taken aback by how much things can change in 12 short months. Life has taken so many unforeseen twists and turns this year and I am, at times, unable to fathom just how much has happened since January. As I look back, I see myself and my family broken beyond recognition and emerging as stronger people. As better sons and daughters and brothers and sisters. As more compassionate, more understanding, more able to depend on one another for strength and more able to provide stability and comfort to one another regardless of the storms that rage around us.

As we said goodbye to 2010, I was so certain that 2011 was going to be amazing. I had graduated college, was embracing my 30s and was ready to face whatever the new year had for me. I had no idea just how hellacious a storm lie just out of sight. Losing my mother in February shook my foundation in a way that nothing ever had. There was no preparing for that event or the days and weeks that followed. Watching her get sick, suffering so much and passing from this life to the next changed everything. My life quickly changed from being about what I wanted...my goals and dreams and aspirations..to being overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for my father in every way possible. What I needed no longer mattered...I just needed to make sure he was okay. My daily thoughts were consumed by worry. I couldn't lose him to depression or guilt or despair. We leaned on each other so much in those days. We still do. He has been and always will be such a powerful example. in my life. He never ceases to amaze me.

Spring came and eventually gave way to summer. I was spending more and more time at dad's business and trying to relieve as much stress from him as possible. Through that journey, I befriended Jason. He has become a godsend and I am grateful for him every single day. As the summer days got hotter, our relationship grew. We became the best of friends. We bring out the best in one another and are able to face adversity together, rather than allowing it to drive us apart. I am confident that the love that has sprung up between us will continue to grow as the years pass and I am so excited to watch our story develop.

As we face this Christmas - it is bittersweet for me. The first Christmas without my mom. The first Christmas with my future husband. The first Christmas enjoying the company of his family. Embracing new traditions and holding on tightly to old ones. Realizing that sometimes a positive thought is all that gets us through the hard days and being grateful for a Heavenly Father who provides peace and comfort when no one else can. I am grateful for the challenges of life. They are the reason we grow. The storms allow us to recognize and appreciate peace. The pain harvests gratitude and the ability and desire to help others overcome.

I have a sincere desire for those around me to prosper. Not only throughout this holiday season but every day. Tell those you love that you love them today. Tomorrow may be too late. Live a life you can be proud of and share your gifts with the world. You never know whose life you may touch.

Happy holidays. Let's face 2012 with renewed optimism. It's gonna be a great year.

Much love,

B.

Life is complicated.

I say all the time that all I truly want is "the simple life." I own a home (that I'm not living in at the moment because of the death of my mother earlier this year,) I have a college degree, and a wonderful family. I adore my family and firmly believe none of us would have made it this far without one another. I have been busier than I ever remember the last few months and some days I feel like I've got a great momentum going. Then other days I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.

Today is one of those days. I just can't sort things out in my head.

I'm officially no longer the Assistant Manager of the hotel. This is a relief and a little sad simultaneously. I've been there over three years. I've put in a lot of hours and met some amazing people there. I've also wanted to pull my hair out and very purposefully smack the ever-lovin' out of some people. I didn't leave on bad terms; I left to help my dad get his business back on track since it has grown so much and things got so out of sorts when Mom died. Things there are getting better. The office is functional and I like that it's finally organized. Now I've got bigger, dirtier, more complicated fish to fry. I'm nothing if not a good organizer...but I'm a woman in a very man-ish world there and some of the men don't take too kindly to my presence. It's causing a bit of a stir, but I don't care much. I want to see my father be successful and if my presence causes some 50 something year old man to be intimidated, then he probably isn't doing his job. I have made a difference. And I'll continue to do so.

I've also been working out like crazy. I've fallen in LOVE with Zumba and Hip Hop Hustle classes. I've lost a grand total of 24 lbs so far and I'm loving it. Working out and singing are the only two things keeping me sane right now.

I'm enjoying the company of a certain someone. We talk a lot about life and past successes and failures. We talk about how we envision the future and sometimes it seems as though we both long for the same things. We laugh a lot. We have fun with the smallest things, like making dinner or saying we're going to watch a movie and end up talking for 3 hours instead. We share secrets and dreams and know things about each other that no one else does. But it's scary. One step at a time, I suppose.

Life is just so complicated. Even the simple life is hard to track down sometimes.

Enjoy it as it comes, remember it as it goes, and never ever take it for granted. Life is beautiful and far too short, even on the bad days.